Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
