I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
