the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
So here I am, sexting at work.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
