So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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