I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
the raccoons are back...
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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