he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
why do cheetos always look like penises
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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