dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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