I am in a vortex of obligation.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
