your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
