Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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