Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
