just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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