His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
