your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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