It's like God shit irony all over that family
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Randomize
