Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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