woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
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