Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
