There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
