How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
