i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
