just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
