The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
