dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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