Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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