oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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