my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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