I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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