yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
