I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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