i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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