Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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