from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
