i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
