I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
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