We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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