I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
he told me I talked like a deaf person
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
