Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Randomize
