if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Randomize
