you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
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