There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
