She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
