dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
