i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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