i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
