ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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