I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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