Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
