First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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