Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
