If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
