Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
