and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
