I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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